One phone call early in the morning completely shattered my entire morning routine. That call hit me like a bombshell. It was a UK number and the caller was a girl. My phone happened to be in my hand so out of curiosity I answered it. A girl’s voice came through and her very first words were “Was a successful life not my right?” Her second sentence was “Can’t six years of my hard work give me a successful life?” I told her to calm down and share her problem with me. After listening to her I felt that we have never truly understood what a successful life actually means. That one phone call forced me to write this article.
The Fake Standard of Success
What have we all decided success looks like? A big degree, a big house, big money, socializing with important people, eating at fancy restaurants, shopping at big malls, becoming the life of the party at grand events. Is that really the standard of success? And what does the middle class think success looks like? Buying expensive clothes, expensive shoes, an expensive car, buying things just because the neighbor did, getting new clothes because someone else got new clothes. Where exactly does that come from as a standard of success? I genuinely cannot understand this. Does someone else having rosy cheeks mean you have to slap yourself red?
This poor girl also got herself trapped in this fake standard. Influenced by someone’s words and the glitter of their life she made major decisions about her own life and those decisions took her down. She had a degree, she had her own home, she had her own sources of income, but the dream of a successful life, the standard that society taught her or that she chose to believe in, showed her a garden of false promises. That dream of a successful life was destroyed and her mental peace was destroyed along with it. Today she sits there as a girl who is mentally unwell.
The Glitter of Other People’s Lives and Our Inferiority Complex
Why are we destroying ourselves by watching other people??? What are we putting ourselves through this pain for??? Why are we breaking our own principles just by looking at other people’s lives??? We are not even working on improving ourselves but we are taking the principles of a successful life from other people. Build your own principles of a successful life and follow them yourself. This was not just that girl’s problem, this is the problem of 70 to 80 percent of today’s youth. We are all watching a ruined life in the name of a successful life.
Maybe 70 percent of girls in our society have this same problem. Girls and especially today’s boys feel that whatever they see outside, whatever they see on TikTok, whatever they see on social media, or whatever these so-called influencers show them, that is real life. And in the light of these so-called influencers’ lives they try to see their own life as a successful life. In doing so they destroy their small everyday joys and the big joys never come because this is nothing but a mirage. Wake up and smell the coffee.
The Difference Between Hard Work and Inner Defeat
Hard work is a wonderful thing but have we ever thought about why we are working so hard??? Is this hard work for our own successful life??? But while working hard for a successful life are we actually suffering an inner defeat??? What does a successful life even mean to us??? Let us clear this up first.
A successful life means first and foremost your health, your physical health and your mental health. If you work hard and earn money but despite having so much money there is no life left in your body then what is that money even good for??? Or your body is fine and full of energy but your mind cannot get out of its thoughts, your mind cannot escape its worries, your mind has no peace, you have mental restlessness, then your successful life is gone to waste. I cannot forget that innocent girl’s voice, I cannot forget the pain in her voice. Just like her, work for six years, work for eight years, work for ten years, leave your country, have a degree, have a house, have a car, and have no mental peace, then where exactly is your successful life?
The Ugly Game of a Life of Show
Are we living life or are we performing a role in a drama??? Keeping people happy, proving our success to people, appearing good in front of people, is this your life or other people’s life? Did you come into this life to act???
That innocent girl who is so helpless right now that no one close to her remains because she was always trying to appear good in front of everyone. That girl or so many girls like her first try to appear good in front of their parents, then in front of their brothers and sisters, then they go to their in-laws and try to appear good in front of their husbands, then in front of their husband’s entire family, and in this constant effort to appear good they destroy their mental peace and turn their successful life into a failed life.
And these boys, I truly cannot understand them. They also have this obsession with appearing good. They may or may not appear good in front of others but they will definitely appear good in front of their friends, waste their money, waste their time, and if they get into a relationship with a girl they will try so hard to appear good in front of her that you would think there is no saint in the world like them. But they will be sitting there with their mental peace completely destroyed. Later they will start smoking, some who have more money will start using drugs, some who have even more money will become alcoholics, they will destroy their own lives and then say we never got a successful life.
How many masks do you wear when you go out in front of people just so they think well of you and have a good opinion of you? Why should they??? Did you sign a contract to appear good in front of people??? Is a successful life really just about people thinking you are okay??? The one sentence that has destroyed us more than anything else is “what will people say.” This ugly game of a life of show will only end when you yourself admit that you do not need to be good for anyone or in front of anyone. Be good for yourself, be good for your own sake.
The Feeling of Being a Stranger in Your Own Home
What a cruelty, what a great injustice it is to do this to someone, that the person who came to your home dreaming of a successful life, seeing the false garden you showed them, now sits in their own home like a stranger. But stop and look and think about who actually did this to that girl, that innocent girl, or to so many girls like her. The first hand in this cruelty belongs to the girl herself who is suffering it. Because she did not take a step at the right time. For God’s sake stop being cruel to yourself. If you are sitting like a stranger in your own home then you did this cruelty to yourself. You did not raise your voice for your own rights. You did not make a decision at the right time. This cruelty done to yourself is your own doing.
In this matter boys are even more oppressed than girls. Because they spend the whole day working as men and providing, and the very home they are providing for is the place where they sit like strangers. It surprises me and saddens me deeply that where did our upbringing go.
Education Was Given, But Not Grooming
And the tragedy of our society is that we have no information about what step to take where. We were turned into zombies in school. Our schools gave us education but not grooming. We were taught books but not a single principle of how to live life. Nobody was taught who should say what to whom and when. No teacher ever taught us which decision to make in which situation and under which circumstances. And the same is the condition of the very teachers who are teaching us. They themselves are going through the same problems, they themselves do not know what decision to make in what situation or what answer to give in what circumstance. So when they go home themselves they sit like strangers. What lesson will they give anyone, what will they teach anyone. First learn to read yourself. A successful life is waiting for you.
Murdering Mental Peace in the Name of Success
Got the successful life, got the money, but along with it came sleepless nights and the destruction of mental peace. Is this a profitable deal??? We have commercialized a successful life to such an extent that our own life gets lost in it. Oh my dear people, remember this, mental peace is the real success and everything else is just convenience. It does not matter whether these conveniences are few or many. If you have mental peace then you are living a successful life. And when this understanding finally comes to you, only then will you know what real life actually is.
Many people will disagree with me saying money is everything, money is everything, money money money is what the whole world is running after. Yes that is true, having money means having a lot, but money is not everything. That girl who was calling me and suffering, and so many girls like her, and many men who have a lot of money, believe me they have no mental peace. Believe me the big wealthy people of Pakistan do not eat dinner and go to sleep at night, they take a sleeping pill and go to sleep. Believe me the biggest wealthy people of the world cannot even eat proper food, the nutrition they take comes in liquid form. Believe me the people with extreme wealth who the world considers examples of a successful life are not even capable of doing their own personal tasks with their own hands. Value the blessings you have and do not become the killer of your own mental peace.
Inner Hollowness: A Bitter Truth
You people are hollowing yourselves out, your inside is slowly becoming hollow. And the principles of achieving a successful life that are running in the world right now, the ones being told to us in our society, are completely bizarre. This is a bitter truth that you are becoming hollow. Just do one thing, sit down somewhere and think about how much peace was in your mind ten years ago, how much contentment there was, how relaxed you were ten years ago. Are you now living outside of this world? No that is not it. The truth is simply that you have started doing things your heart does not accept, things your mind does not accept. You have destroyed your mental peace, you have ruined yourself completely, all for the pursuit of a successful life, and the price you paid for that successful life was the destruction of your own mental peace.
That girl was living a good life and then suddenly got drawn into someone’s words and their false promises, applied their decisions to her own life, and now she has every convenience in the world but her own heart has drifted away from her and her own mind does not support her. She was telling me that out of nowhere a disturbance hits her mind and darkness fills her eyes and she cannot even tell whether she is crying or laughing. What an agonizing condition to be in. In the same way so many people in our society have been destroyed by falling for someone’s words. So many people’s lives have this emptiness in them now. Recognizing yourself and giving peace to your soul is the only cure for this emptiness.
Confessing That You Are Destroying Your Own Life
Can I give you some advice? People do not like free advice but I will give it anyway. First of all accept that you yourself are responsible for your own mistakes. Do not blame circumstances. Do not blame fate. You people are committing suicide on your own happiness. Stop doing this. Your habits and your decisions are responsible for your destruction. You yourself are the biggest obstacle in the path of your own successful life. I made that girl make this confession over the phone in our first session. And this is not weakness, this takes a great amount of courage and strength. When you take responsibility you move forward. That girl said just one thing, that she wants to get out of this hell of mental restlessness and depression. And when someone makes that decision and then stands guard over that decision and stays committed to it, a successful life does come, mental peace does come.
A New and True Definition of a Successful Life
First of all throw away the principles of success and successful life that society has handed you. Earn money but do not consider earning money as success. Sit among important people but do not consider sitting among them as success. Eat at big hotels, talk big, wear branded suits, do whatever you want, but do not consider any of it success, do not consider any convenience as success. Success is only what you did purely for yourself, what you achieved for your own happiness, that is success. Being happy with yourself is success, making yourself happy is success, taking out time for yourself is success, living within your own boundaries is success, improving your own boundaries is success, not letting people cross into your boundaries is success, staying away from toxic relationships is success, staying away from toxic people is success, your mental peace is success, the contentment in your heart is success, the shine in your eyes is your success, the freshness of your breath is your success, the energy in your body is your success. Your health remaining intact and improving your health is your success. Your mental peace and staying away from depression is your success. Success is that after which you do not have to ask “was this my right?” but instead say with peace that this is my life and I am living it on my own principles, in my own way and within my own boundaries.
My success and my successful life belongs only to me, or to whoever holds a very dear place in our heart and keeps us very close to their heart, genuinely close. Should we not also live for them?
Change these principles that keep you obedient to others. Allah created you free.
Closing Thoughts
That girl’s call and that girl’s words forced me to think deeply about so many things, and it was certainly after that call that I felt it better and appropriate to write this article and share it with all of you. This is the voice of my heart and it is also my profession. Build your own principles for your own life, that is my advice to all of you. If even one single person after reading this article takes even one step toward their successful life, my purpose will be fulfilled.